Core Training

The Journey: Softball Parents Self-Assessment

This month in “The Journey”, we want to encourage softball parents in doing a little self-assessment about their communication, relationship, and priorities with their daughter-athletes. Why?

Because I know of many softball parents, including myself, that wish we could go back and handle things differently than we did at times. So, here’s a few nuggets for thought as you go through the craziness of competitive softball with your daughter/athlete:

The post-game/post-tourney/post-camp car rides home

I think this is where we let our daughter-athletes down very often. They have just spent hours (or days) working hard under stress, are physically and emotionally fatigued, frustrated with teammates/coaches/umpires and often their own play, etc.…..and then BAM!, we hit them with all of our own frustrations, opinions, and comments with, quite frankly, a lack of empathy and understanding for what they have just gone through.

I know there were countless times that while I was immediately after a game/tourney/camp ready to talk, “instruct”, debate what went wrong, ask all the “why” questions about their play or their team’s play, and so on – it was the LAST thing that my daughter-athlete needed from me at that time. What got through to me about this was someone who told me to picture that I was just coming home from a difficult day at the office or on the job. What do I feel like at that moment? Do I want a bunch of questions, comments, instruction, and debates? My answer is “no” – and so should it be with our daughter-athletes as well.

In the end, it’s about your relationship and HER success

Take a minute to picture in your mind what you want your relationship with your daughter-athlete to be like when she ultimately plays her last game. That time is coming for all of us. Do you want her to cherish the years you had together on the journey? Do you want her to know that you loved her unconditionally and wanted what was always best for HER? Do you want her to have felt like you were always open to what she wanted to talk to you about – and that you put HER goals, ambitions, and needs as the top priority?

As a softball parent, it is very easy to let your daughter/athlete’s journey morph into being more about YOUR journey than hers. More about what makes you feel good and proud than what she really desires. And more about your own feelings of success than hers.

It’s easy to spend a lot of time stressing over your daughter/athlete’s skill development, college recruiting, beating the rival club, stats, playing time, etc. Make sure you spend MORE energy on making sure your relationship is being built-up by the journey and that, through it all, she knows that it has been about HER for you…..and not the other way around.

Making what’s happening “now” a priority

An unfortunate aspect of the competitive journey is that more and more of it has been taken over by the college recruiting and preparation process that our daughter-athletes are increasingly missing out on the joys and lessons that they should be experiencing along the way. In an environment where now even 12Us are doing “showcase” events, so much of what players and their parents focus on is dominated by individual success and securing future college opportunities – instead of living in, learning through, and enjoying the moments along the way.

Shouldn’t a great team comeback victory in a big tournament be celebrated and be worth all of the effort, time and money spent to make it possible – even if the coach of your daughter/athlete’s dream school didn’t attend it like you had hoped? Shouldn’t a pinch-hit walk-off by your 14U daughter be just as valuable of a moment in your mind has being announced as the starter when you are at Nationals?

The recruiting pressure and environment are here to stay no doubt – and at far too early of ages. However, fight against the forces that suck you into making it all about what things mean for “the future” and spend ample time living in the moment with your daughter-athlete. There is way too much that is precious and happening right NOW that you can’t afford to miss. And neither can your daughter.

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